High Tea: Every Day Love – Thursday, August 16 from 2:00 pm to 3:30 pm

High Tea: Every Day Love – Thursday, August 16 from 2:00 pm to 3:30 pm

Friends Fellowship Hall, 7737 25th Avenue NE

When we take care of ourselves, it naturally spreads to others. You know those people you meet and you feel better just by being in their presence? Now think of a person who drains your energy. Whichone of those people do you think focuses on taking care of themselves? Which person do you want to be? When you take care of yourself, you spread that into the world. You inspire others to take better care of themselves. In this presentation Dr. Jane Tornatore shares strategies to help you take care of yourself, especially when you feel overwhelmed by life’s stressors and responsibilities.

Dr. Tornatore is a therapist and speaker in Seattle. She draws on her extensive professional training and wide-ranging life experiences, including over 20 years in the field of Alzheimer’s, to help people release old patterns and unnecessary stress. Her style incorporates compassion, curiosity, deep listening, and heartfelt optimism, along with powerful shots of playfulness. Local and national audiences rave about her engaging workshops on improving brain health, reducing stress and living more effectively with dementia.

Every Day Love for Women—Transforming Self-Judgement to Self-Love 

Every Day Love for Women—Transforming Self-Judgement to Self-Love 

Every Day Love for Women—Transforming Self-Judgement to Self-Love 

 

Do you feel like you are never good enough?   

Do you deflect compliments because you don’t feel you deserve them?   

Are you constantly beating yourself up?   

 

You are not alone. 

 

Do you want to move from beating yourself up to having kindness and compassion for yourself?   

Do you want to spread more kindness in the world, starting with yourself? 

Do you want tools to help you love yourself more? 

 

I want those things for you. 

 

8-week Series 

Learn the tools to change how you think about and treat yourself. 

 

During this 8-week series, you will gain tools for awareness, compassion, self-talk, self-care, love, and acceptance.  You will have time to practice new ways of liking yourself in a community that provides support, accountability, and caring.  You will be in a community of people who want the same thing you do, more love for themselves, their lives, and others.    

 

Location: Wallingford 

Dates:  September 18 to November 6 

Tuesdays 6-8:30pm  

Call 206-769-8108 for a pre-screening. Space is limited. 

Get started today with a FREE tool: EveryDayLove.me 

Learn more about Jane and her business: DoctorTornatore.com 

Talk to Jane directly: (206)769-8108 

 

Do you yearn to love yourself more, but don’t know how to actually experience loving yourself?  The goal of this group is to get you to embody self-love.   

 

Using awareness, compassion, and small actions, you will see and shift the thoughts and beliefs that keep you from loving yourself. 

 

During the 8 weeks we will focus on: 

 

  • The power of your words to build you up or tear you down 
  • How the brain evolved to keep you stuck and/or anxious, and what you can do about it 
  • Limiting beliefs you learned before you could talk 
  • A model to feel and let go of your feelings instead of having them overwhelm you or shut you down 
  • How to be more in touch with your body instead of cut off from it 
  • The power of boundaries to give you more freedom and more fulfilling relationships 
  • A model to figure out what you can influence and what you can let go of, without guilt 
  • The ability to trust yourself to know what you want, rather than what you “should” do 

 

Testimonials 

 

“You know what you are doing and you are doing the right thing.” 

 

“Dr. Tornatore’s Every Day Love class was great to help me in fighting my problems with shame, working on my issues with how and why to set boundaries, and learning what it means to treat myself well and love myself.” 

 

“I was in a room full of women who had the desire to love themselves better…Their vulnerability and courage were fun and interesting and educational.” 

 

“It was very helpful to learn to feel safe and vulnerable in a group.” 

 

“Jane has a way of making me understand that she too is not perfect and is on her own journey of self-love and learning.” 

 

“I saw areas of myself I had not seen before and then had a safe place to explore that in the course!” 

 

“It was a great experience and I would repeat again!” 

 

“From the group I got a deep connection and understanding of myself, the courage and support to continue with small steps, connection with like-minded women, and professional insight to my challenges, and the power to love myself.”    

 

“The course was fabulous!  I am so grateful to have participated.  I am seeing changes every day.” 

 

 

 

Stop Saying You’re Sorry

Stop Saying You’re Sorry

No kidding.  It doesn’t do what you think it does.

Let me be clear—when you make a mistake and hurt someone or inconvenience them—apologize.  Mistakes happen, and it is important to tell the person you distressed that you understand your actions affect them.  I’m all for apologies in that case.  Taking responsibility for how our actions affect others is important.

Here is where sorry is not helpful—when you make a choice you know will not please someone else and you apologize, hoping they will make you feel better about your choice.

When you say sorry in that case you likely have an agenda.

You are either:

  • Asking them to not be mad at you
  • Asking them to forgive you instead of being angry
  • Wanting to make sure they still like you
  • Making a bid for them to make you feel better

These agendas may be unconscious.  They are still agendas.

It is irritating to have someone inconvenience you, and then be asked to reassure them either by not reacting or by making them feel better.

What is the alternative?  Take responsibility for your choices.  You made a choice someone else didn’t like.  Own your choice.

Here is a common example.  Most of us apologize for being late.

Most of us (including me at times) say, “I’m sorry I’m late.  Traffic was awful” or “I hit every red light” or, my favorite excuse in Seattle in the summer, “the bridge was up.”  Really?  Did lights suddenly appear on the route?  Are we really surprised that traffic exists?  Did I forget that people boat in the summer?

It would be more honest to say, “I didn’t leave on time.”

When we say that, we take ownership.  We admit we chose to make our time more important than theirs.  We don’t ask the other person to excuse us for our choice to not leave earlier.

I usually leave to go somewhere allowing the amount of time it takes when there is no traffic.  Usually it works out, but I live in Seattle; we have awful traffic.  I’m late sometimes.  I do my best to own it.  If people are mad I let them be angry.  They get to have their reactions.  If they get angry, you can bet I’m going to leave a cushion of time for our next meeting.

Along with taking responsibility for your choices, it is helpful to be honest about your reactions.  That way the other person will know the consequences of their choices.

If someone apologizes to me, especially if they have done an action repeatedly, I say, “Don’t apologize, you made your choice,” or “No need to apologize.”  If I am angry I will tell them—not to have them make me feel better, but to let them know how I really feel.

When people keep apologizing it just pisses me off.  Really?  You just inconvenienced me, and now you want me to not experience what I feel?  (A good rule of thumb: It is not helpful to tell people not to feel what they feel.)

So I say, “I’m angry.  I don’t need you to make me feel better.  I’m just angry that I waited for you.”  I don’t try to hide my irritation or anger, at least as much as possible.  It is hard to have someone be uncomfortable with my feelings.  It has taken a lot of practice, and sitting in discomfort, for me to be able to let people know when I am angry.

For some, not asking for forgiveness and letting people know how you really feel will be a radical practice.  Some of you won’t like it and will feel it is not nice.  For some of you, it will be a relief to be more honest.  I suggest you try taking more responsibility and be more honest with your feelings, and notice what you experience.

The beauty is you get to choose what you do.

Take care,

Jane

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