by Jane Tornatore | Oct 6, 2010 | Musings |
This summer was one of the most intense times I have ever experienced.
For me, one of the responsibilities of being a therapist is doing my own work of examining the beliefs and patterns that get in my way, so I can be clear with my clients’ issues. Well, this summer I went into it whole hog, as it were. This last weekend, in particular, reminded me of what it is sometimes like for my clients.
There are times when we see the thoughts and behaviors that we want to change in their full glory. We do the work to become acutely aware of how often we think and do the things that cause us pain—and we don’t yet have the tools or knowledge to make the changes we desire. It can feel overwhelming, to put it mildly. We can feel hopeless, weak and incompetent.
It is these times that I get most hopeful as a therapist because I see the absolute courage of my clients as they face what they have avoided. This is when change is most possible.
These are the times we need to know we are not alone and we are lovable, even with our imperfections at their most prominent.
This summer and last weekend, I was reminded of the fear, the hopelessness, and the need for connection and reassurance as we go through the process. I was also reminded of the strength of hope, and the power of moving through fear to get to the joy of change and self-compassion.
My clients who choose to see themselves in all their imperfections *and* perfections inspire me to continue my work with them and with myself. To you I give my gratitude.
by Jane Tornatore | Sep 16, 2010 | Musings |
As I was going to sleep last night, I was reviewing in my head what I had said to a client earlier that day. I started to wonder if I chose the best tact, and then promptly thought “I did the best I could at the time.” I realized, in that moment, that thought is not unusual for me.
This realization made me sit straight up in bed. You see, for much of my life I second-guessed myself. I almost constantly mulled over past decisions, conversations, and actions, trying to figure out how I could have done better.
I am a perfectionist at heart. We perfectionists tend to be very hard on ourselves; “I did the best I could at the time” is not a phrase most perfectionists believe applies to them. So the fact that I realized I now frequently say that to myself, and believe it, came as quite a shock.
Almost every client who walks through my door is a perfectionist. They believe they can make themselves better by beating themselves up for thoughts or actions they deem less than perfect. (Let’s face it, that is almost everything.) I tell them they’ve come to the right place; I know what constant self-castigation feels like. I also know the great gift we can give ourselves, and others, by letting that belief in perfection go.
by Jane Tornatore | Sep 14, 2010 | Musings |
We are driven by our needs and beliefs.
It is useful to know what they are.
by Jane Tornatore | Sep 12, 2010 | Musings |
My true religion, my simple faith is in love and compassion. There is no need for complicated philosophy, doctrine, or dogma. Our own heart, our own mind, is the temple. The doctrine is compassion. Love for others and respect for their rights and dignity, no matter who or what they are – these are ultimately all we need.
~Dalai Lama
by Jane Tornatore | Sep 1, 2010 | Musings |
”The first and foremost thing is to be loving towards yourself. Don’t be hard; be soft. Care about yourself. Learn how to forgive yourself — again and again and again — seven times, seventy-seven times, seven hundred seventy-seven times. Learn how to forgive yourself. Don’t be hard; don’t be antagonistic towards yourself. Then you will flower.” -Osho
by Jane Tornatore | Jul 29, 2010 | Musings |
Emotion is the chief source of becoming conscious. There can be no transforming of darkness into light and of apathy into movement without emotion.
Carl Jung
