by Jane Tornatore | Apr 15, 2010 | Musings |
Maybe Dickens had it wrong. Maybe expectations aren’t so great. Maybe…if we don’t have expectations, we can more easily see the gifts in our life.
Case in point…I recently held a party at my home. A friend told me he wasn’t feeling social, so he likely wouldn’t linger more than ½ an hour. As a result, I did not expect him to stay—but he did. Every once in awhile I saw him and exclaimed, with a big smile on my face “You’re still here!” Because I did not assume he would remain, I was delighted every moment I noted his presence.
Reflecting back on the experience, I realized every person’s attendance was a gift to me. Yet the friend who stood out, was the one I didn’t think would stay. So the next time I throw a party, I’ve decided to have the same delight for every person’s presence, no matter how short, or long, they gift me with their time.
by Jane Tornatore | Feb 25, 2010 | Musings |
Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying “I will try again tomorrow.”
Mary Anne Radmacher-Hershey
by Jane Tornatore | Feb 11, 2010 | Musings |
When I dance in the web of life
I wonder,
Does it matter where in the web I am?
by Jane Tornatore | Feb 10, 2010 | Musings |
“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.”
William James (1842-1910)
by Jane Tornatore | Jan 30, 2010 | Musings |
I’ve been pondering how much we shame ourselves lately. Frankly, it’s pissing me off.
Shame is appropriate if we do something to purposefully hurt someone. The problem is, too many of us our shame ourselves willy-nilly. I was in a group earlier this week and some of the members expressed shame because they did not accomplish their goals. Why? They didn’t hurt anybody. None of the other members were damaged because they didn’t accomplish the tasks. I can understand disappointment; they didn’t keep their word to themselves. That is disappointing, but shameful? No.
We have taken the usefulness of shame and splattered it across our lives. Instead of using shame to prevent us from taking dishonorable action, we have elevated shame to everyday use. We essentially are saying to ourselves “Because I did not do (insert whatever here) I am a dishonorable person.” To put it simply, this keeps us small and stuck.
I’ve seen in my life, and the lives of my clients, how much more can be accomplished when we have compassion for ourselves. It is time to take the sledgehammer of shame out of daily use and put it back in its rightful place.
by Jane Tornatore | Jan 30, 2010 | Musings |
I’ve been pondering how to quickly explain the purpose of my groups for women over 40 who never had kids. I believe I have found it—to delve into the meaning of life without children, or more precisely, how do we make meaning of our lives as they are?
I’m reading “The Second Half of Life” by Angeles Arrien (a fabulous book so far!) In it I found the following quotation:
The Bushman storytellers talk about two kinds of hunger.
They say there is physical hunger, then what they call
the Great Hunger.
That is the hunger for meaning.
There is only one thing that is truly insufferable,
and that is a life without meaning.
There is nothing wrong with the search for happiness.
But there is something great—meaning—
which transfigures all.
When you have meaning you are content,
you belong.
Sir Laurens van der Post in the documentary “Hasten Slowly”
Women who end up without children can sometimes wonder where they belong. Having children usually engenders a sense of belonging and a purpose for life (though, to be fair, many parents yearn to create meaning beyond parenthood.) For people without kids, that meaning needs to be consciously created. The exercises, rituals, and conversations that take place in my groups are tools to help women go deeper into understanding who they are, and what they desire in order to live a meaningful life.
So, next time someone asks me what my groups are all about, I’m ready!
