Regret
“Regret is a sign you didn’t let yourself choose what you want.”
– Jane Tornatore
A Tiny Symbol of Self-Love
A Tiny Symbol of Self-Love
Who knew a band-aide could stand for so much?
It had been a long, stress-filled Tuesday. The clock showed 8:08 pm as I was leaving my office. I was tired, having seen 8 clients that day, with ½ hour of free time since 8 am.
I was leaving in 2 days to go to CA to stay with my mom, niece and nephew so my sister and brother-in-law could have a short vacation. In short—I was busy, with a long list of things to accomplish before I left.
A few days before I sliced off a small chunk of thumb cutting up tomatoes. I ran out of band-aides, and every time I hit the tip of my thumb it throbbed in pain.
Let’s just say I was not having a good time at 8:09 pm, having hit my thumb for what seemed like the 100th time, as I got into my car. I had previously decided to wait until Wednesday afternoon to buy band-aides because that would be the most efficient time to do it. (I am uber keen on being efficient.)
At 8:10, as I sat in my car, cradling my thumb, I made a decision. Efficient or not, I drove directly to the store to buy band-aides. As soon as I got back into my car with the purchased band-aides I put one on.
My entire body relaxed–I had taken time for a small act of self-care.
When I got home I further changed my plans and took a short walk in my neighborhood to investigate the new gardens that had sprung up this spring. I noticed the care my neighbors had put into making bare earth beautiful. I watched the sky get darker. I smelled the fragrant trees. I wrote this post.
I was in the present moment. I still had things to do, but I did them with more peace, less urgency and more energy.
Who knew a band-aide could foster such a change of attitude?
What do you do in your life that is a tiny symbol of self-love—small actions that bring noticeable shifts or gifts?
Want a suggestion? Do more of them. They make a difference.
Get in Touch with Dr. Tornatore
It is the ability to choose that makes us human
Possibility – More Powerful than Depression
Possibility – More Powerful than Depression
When you are depressed, your mind sees no possibilities. You feel stuck with no change in sight.
Depression is brilliant—It is an amazing example of “we are what we think.”
When we are depressed our thoughts consist of things like “nothing will help,” “it’s useless” and, “I can’t do it.” These thoughts get stronger when well-meaning people give suggestion on how to stop being depressed. Right?
Of course, I have a suggestion. Let me rephrase…let’s look at another possibility.
Depression is one-track thinking, and that track is “nothing will make any difference to my life.” Depression HATES options.
Thoughts are patterns of neural pathways. When we are depressed, our neural pathways are constricted to repetitive, limiting thoughts. Change your thoughts and you change your neural pathways. Change your neural pathways and you change your depression.
Here is an exercise to do just that. At least 5 times a day, think of three possibilities for how to something, anything, might happen.
For instance, to get out of bed you could get out your normal side, skootch over to the other side to get out, or you can do a cartwheel off the bed.
Clearly, all the possibilities don’t have to be boring, or even likely. The point is, stretch your thoughts, your neural pathways. DON’T GO ON TO ASSESS THE FEASIBILITY…JUST THINK OF THE POSSIBILITIES. If you practice this, after a couple days your mind will start to consider other options, automatically.
I just started this practice a couple of weeks ago. Last weekend, I was sitting at my desk answering e-mails. My lamp, for the zillionth time, fell off my desk. It has been doing this for years. It is top-heavy with 3 little wire legs and it easily tips. As I was, once again, picking up this endlessly annoying lamp I was struck with the thought “you could get a new lamp.” Brilliant! I could just buy a new lamp!
I realize some of you are thinking “Really? Jane thinks this is brilliant?” We all have our blind spots; getting rid of something that still works is one of mine. Le sigh…
The fact that possibilities exist is antithetical to depression.
If you think non-depression-sanctioned thoughts, you give yourself more perceived options. As you have more perceived options, depression has less power to limit your thoughts. The less limited your thoughts, the less depressed you become.
Ergo, possibility is more powerful than depression.
Even if you aren’t depressed try the 3-possibilities exercise. It will increase your creativity (at least in thoughts) I promise.
Thanks to Elizabeth Purvis, http://elizabethpurvis.com/ for bringing the 3-possibilities exercise to my attention.
Jane signing off, by the light of my new lamp.
Instructions for Living
I just read the words below five minutes ago, and something in me simultaneously settled and thrilled.
“Yet it is good to know about our terrible selves, not laud or criticize them, just acknowledge them. Then, out of this knowledge, we are better equipped to make a choice for beauty, kind consideration and clear truth. We make this choice with our feet firmly on the ground. We are not running wildly after beauty with fear at our backs.”
– From “Writing Down the Bones” by Natalie Goldberg
I’m sitting on my back deck, in the late afternoon, with the long grasses blowing. I have a cowboy hat to keep off the sun, a sweatshirt from my much-loved college, reading glasses, and a mind in the process of expanding.
I’m reading Natalie Goldberg’s book because I am writing a book. I’m looking for all the help I can get, and a friend gave me “Writing Down the Bones”. As I read that paragraph I realized that these are directions for writing, for the therapeutic process, for life.
Ostensibly, I am writing a book for family caregivers for someone who has Alzheimer’s. Even as I stumble through the outline process (I made it through getting my PhD without ever outlining anything) I realize that my book is not just about caregiving—it is about living more authentically.
It is about running after beauty with our feet on the ground. I am thrilled and terrified.
Natalie G’s words helped solidify the knowledge that this book will expand me, even as I write it.
Just like life.
For more information on Natalie, including her 30th Anniversary Edition of “Writing Down the Bones” go to: www.nataliegoldberg.com
Words that Inspire
In this life, we can practice “seeing the unknown future as thrilling rather than threatening.”
From “Getting Unstuck: Breaking Your Habitual Patterns and Encountering Naked Reality” by Pema Chödrön