Today I realized I was furious that I am getting older. To be more precise, I was furious that my body shows the signs of getting older. I also realized I was jealous of younger women and of women my age who look younger than I look. Ick.
Those are not pleasant feelings, my friends. Yet I have them.
As I sat there, trying not to quash my feelings, but to simply hold them, a question came to my mind—“What do I do with these feelings?” I can’t act on them. What would I do, go around to all the women I perceive as more beautiful than I and tell them to stop their beauty? The mere thought makes me laugh. Besides, they are likely having the same feelings about other women. I can’t pretend I don’t have the feelings and the fear behind them. The farther I get into this work the more I see how futile that is.
The question remains, what do I do? Then came the answer.
I live.
I live knowing that this lifetime is not endless; my aging body shows me that. I live knowing how precious life is, because one day I will die. I live the absolute beauty of life.
I recognized all the signs of aging I hate—the thinning skin, the circles under my eyes, the graying hair, the various joint and muscles ailments—all are signs of my amazing life—the life with which I have already been gifted, and the life I have yet to explore.
Now, instead of looking at my wrinkles in disgust and fear, I have the choice to see them as reminders of my cherished life, and have my eyes, and heart, fill with gratitude.
sheer brilliance my friend. this is the wisdom we powerful women have been seeking to gracefully embody the process of change. I love you, with all your signs of living.
Things of quality have no fear of time….is that how it goes?? or eternal babes rock on into the sunset?? giggle giggle….
MelissaBee
Thanks Melissa. I like that image!
This is so beautiful, Beegee. Thank you. I, too, am fearing what is happening to me as I age. It feels like I am losing something I "once had". And that it is somehow…slipping away. I love how you recreate this into something beautiful and sacred. Aging is a humbling experience. As I age, I become more of the real me. It's like I am losing the unimportant things I tend to cling to that have made me feel "worthy" and it makes me realize that the parts of me that are "worthy" are only getting better.
Thank you.
Hi Jen, Thank you so much for your comment many years ago…(I just discovered an e-mail account I never check.) I’ve seen you become even more beautiful as you are growing and becoming even more you! xo