by Jane Tornatore | Feb 16, 2011 | Musings |
I’ve been thinking a lot about what gives life meaning. For me, friendship and experiences help remind me of what is valuable.
Last week I introduced two (way cool) friends of mine, and we had a delightful conversation that covered a myriad of topics. Then I trotted over to a concert by Peter Himmelman http://www.peterhimmelman.com/home.html who I’ve been seeing in concert for at least 15 years. Every concert is different and, funnily enough, most of his songs are about what makes life meaningful.
I’ve been talking with some clients about the power we have to choose the focus of our thoughts. There are many things I would like to have in my life that are not currently part of it. I could absolutely focus on those, and see all I am missing.
I could also choose to focus on all the aspects of my life that make it rich. There are many, both big and small. Nights like the one I mentioned above make that choice effortless.
We always have the choice to see the good in any situation, even when it is not so easy. I think the trick is to understand we have the option. Just as important, though, is the ability to have compassion for ourselves when we don’t make the choice to see the positive.
Compassion, though, will make future choices a little bit easier, I promise.
by Jane Tornatore | Feb 13, 2011 | Musings |
Life is rife with possibilities to not be chosen.
Rejection, maybe.
Opportunity, definitely.
Each time we are not chosen, we have the opportunity to choose ourselves.
by Jane Tornatore | Feb 10, 2011 | Musings |
When you are so busy, you can barely see straight, and someone proposes something to you, and you immediately say “yes!” without a thought. (At least, without a thought before speaking…you may have many thoughts afterward.)
This happened to me the other day. A neighbor and I were chatting outside. She asked me if I was free for coffee on Friday. I responded “yes!” almost before she finished the question. Now, just half an hour earlier, I was thinking about everything I was going to get done Friday morning, and how it really wasn’t enough time. Yet I found myself willy-nilly giving away a precious hour or so of that time without a second thought.
Later, during my second thoughts, I asked myself, why I did that. I realized that to me, connecting with people is one of the most meaningful activities in my life. (Being a therapist is *such* a perfect job for me.) It is so much more fun than the paperwork I was planning.
Does this mean we should *always* say yes when offered something that brings us joy? I will leave that for you to answer. What I know, is that if I ever wonder if my life is meaningful, I have an interaction as simple as a cup of coffee with a friend to give me my answer.
by Jane Tornatore | Feb 10, 2011 | Musings |
I went to a talk on creative aging last spring. An audience member asked how the speakers how to cope with those “dark night of the soul” moments. One of the presenters gave a very simple answer—give thanks. More specifically, he said he starts each day with a practice of gratitude. When he wakes up, he tries to make his first thoughts ones of thanks for whatever the day will bring—a powerful practice.
Here is one reason why. When we are happy, we are more likely to remember happy memories. When we are depressed, sad memories are more easily accessible. That is how the brain works; memories are more easily accessible when we are in the same mental state as when the memories were created.
Starting the day with gratitude makes it easier to access thoughts of gratitude throughout the rest of the day.
On a related note, another presenter I recently saw, John Erdman http://www.ideal-companies.com, said he starts each day by jumping out of bed, putting his hands in the air, and shouting “I am a fireball!” It revs up his entire day.
I tried it. The first day was a pretty pathetic attempt. The second day was a bit less dismal. Now I have quite a bit of fun jumping out of bed.
You can try your own experiment. Start each day with thanks, with fireballs, or with both. See how your day progresses. If you try the experiment, let me know how it works.
by Jane Tornatore | Jan 28, 2011 | Musings |
When you listen generously to people they can hear the truth in themselves, often for the first time. ~ Rachel Naomi Remen
by Jane Tornatore | Jan 24, 2011 | Musings |
Crying is powerful. When we cry we release. We release our fears, our sorrow, our anger, our beliefs that hold us back.
I am in the uniquely wonderful position of witnessing the healing qualities of crying. So many of us are taught not to cry in front of others (or at all); we apologize and hide our face. We are afraid we are weak and look ugly when we express our pain. Who came up with that silly idea?
The idea that something so natural and cleansing looks unattractive and is weak is, simply put, wacky.
I say let’s embrace the grace and release that crying brings. If we could all cry to let go our emotions when we feel them, instead of stuffing them in and holding them in our body, we would be so much healthier and content.
So, the next time someone cries in front of you, consider thanking them for their bravery. Even better, next time you cry, thank yourself for your courage.
